Shelli Emerson Foth

So im a photographer. I like to take pictures of people, and i like to watch how expressions change from instant to instant. I love catchlights in the eyes. I love the transformation from awkwardness in front of the camera at the beginning of a shoot, to letting the model work the camera, just like they want to by the end. I love light, especially natural light, and i love people.

But here's the thing. Everyone else is a photographer too (thanks instagram). Average Joe, or Jane can pick up a camera, and take gorgeous pictures (thank you auto modes).  Hell, average Joe or Jane can pick up a phone and take a gorgeous picture.

Im consistently asking myself, what makes me different? What makes me better than instagram filters, and auto modes on digital SLR cameras? What makes me stand out from the crowd? Its a problem, im sure every artist struggles with. Artistic identity. As if i don't have enough identity struggles as it is, now im faced with an artistic identity. Is artistic identity separate from from lack of a better term regular identity? Are artistic identity, and regular identity, and spiritual identity separate as well, or is there some sort of perfect internal nirvana where they are all one?

I guess one cannot truly separate the spiritual identity and all other forms of identity, but being involved in the artistic community that i am, its so hard to explain that my artistic voice is inexplicably intertwined with my faith. My desire to show things that seem normal, or mundane in a light that shows the absolute glory in them, comes from the true Artist, who created something from nothing and made it beautiful. Its my faith that drives me, a sense of gratitude to the Maker for taking something as ugly as I, and reshaping me to be beautiful in his sight. What a God.

I was asked this week to think about my artistic identity, and write an artist statement and an "elevator speech" meaning, what i would say to someone if we were in the elevator together, and i had 20 second to tell them what i do. I was surprised, when my overwhelming feeling when asked to think about those ideas, was to pray about it, and ask the question "Maker, who am i as an artist? who do you want me to be as an artist?" and to pour out to him my artistic insecurities and identity issues. Can he use me as an artist? What is my voice? and how does that voice speak to his goodness?

I also get the feeling that this is a question to which there is no answer, at least not any time soon. Its a little frustrating, however, to know that I'm going to struggle with this for a long time.

Oh, and by the way, I went to the tulip farms on monday. I like photographing people more than flowers, but tulips happen to be an exception.