Im not sure how or why these pictures came about. It was a girlish whim i suppose.
I do belive though, that every picture taken has some sort of hidden meaning, if that makes sense.
I didnt take these pictures for any concious personal reason, i just took them. I didnt take them to make a statement or a point. I took them for me, and im not really sure why. I just felt like it. I guess they are a representation of how i felt at the time. Dont read into them, dont draw your own conclusions, and please, dont laugh... they are what they are, and im not even sure what they mean.
Maybe, they're coming from a feeling of a complete lack of beauty in my life. This feeling mostly come from the fact that i spend half my time in starbucks dress code, and the other half of my time too tired to put any effort into my appearence. It used to be that i would put together outfits to wear on my outings into portland, and dressing up all cute to go see Brian. Lately, you're lucky if you catch me in something besides jeans and a tee-shirt, and i ONLY put on make-up when i see Brian.
Not that its bad, i love wearing jeans and t-shirts... but, i want to feel pretty. I want to feel feminine, and i havent, in a long time. Its too much work, it takes too much time, its not practical for the cold, its not blah blah blah... i have all these excuses... i dont really know why.
Anyway, this photoshoot happened the other day... I wanted to use Jami, but she was sick. So i was like "fine, i'll use myself!" I dont really make a habit of doing self portraits... i think its kind of ridiculous to do a billion of them, but at the same time they're sort of an emotional release too, maybe its a pride thing, or maybe im just afraid that if i take pictures of myself, people will see my heart open in the picture. Maybe its a combination of both...
I went upstairs and put on the black dress. I never really have any occasion to wear it. I think i've worn it once, to the symphony. I never go anywhere nice enough to warrent a gorgeous black dress. The lipstick was an afterthought. It was in my makeup basket, i was just like "eh, why not."
I was wearing slippers, it was a bad idea. It was all muddy so i ended up taking them off. So there i was, in the middle of february barefoot and sweaterless, in the middle of a field of dead grass and weeds, in a black dress and red lipstick taking pictures of myself. Thats a funny thought. Maybe thats why i dont do self portraits... i just look stupid doing them...
It was great though, i really enjoyed it. I felt pretty i guess. That was nice.
Im still not sure what they mean, but meaning or not, they were an emotional outlet.
So there you have it, one of my first attempts to use photography as a personal outlet rather than trying take the most amazing picture in the world.
enjoy?
Shelli
Post a Comment